


Let Me Stay In Your Arms (Until The Lights Fade)

by Hey Future Fish (PoisonedDeath)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Established Relationship, M/M, Self-Harm, he's too selfless damn it, i nearly forgot to tag angst wow, suga is a literal angel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-05
Updated: 2016-06-05
Packaged: 2018-07-12 08:31:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7094401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PoisonedDeath/pseuds/Hey%20Future%20Fish
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's well-known to everyone on the Karasuno Volleyball Team that if you have a problem, you go straight to the team mom, Sugawara Koushi.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Let Me Stay In Your Arms (Until The Lights Fade)

It's well-known to everyone on the Karasuno volleyball team that if you have a problem, you go straight to the team mom, Sugawara Koushi. Suga's always been the one who knows exactly what to say, and how to say it. He's always been the one to care about everyone, including the team. Especially the team. He's always polite, and he'll never judge you, no matter how ridiculous it seems. He doesn't seem to have a single problem in his own life - he's always smiling, always trying to bring out the best in everyone else around him. That's the thing about being the one who cares about everyone, though. You care too much for everyone else and forget to care about yourself. Suga knows this all too well, yet the cycle repeats anyway. The anxiety that's been dwelling under the surface has erupted, taking no prisoners as it forces shuddery breaths to pass through Suga's lips. His hands are shaking, his body is begging for release. _Not tonight_ , he tells himself, but he can feel his resolve slipping. _It shouldn't still be a problem_ , he thinks. But a well-used coping mechanism doesn't just disappear after two months, and he knows this.

He's trying so hard to be strong, he's still trying to fight off the onslaught of anxiety that if ripping him apart; a great clawed beast in his chest. Perhaps, on another day, he would've called out, but not today. There's no one else here, just him, alone, in this one moment where the fear has been looming in the shadows all day, and now it's devouring the very essence of his being. _Fight_ , he begs himself, but there's no safety here. His breathing's erratic, there are tears streaming down his face. He manages to reach over from the bed he's sitting on, leaning against the wall behind him, and grabs his phone with his trembling hands. He presses the button, allowing the screen to illuminate, but then stares at the lock screen, unable to find the words, unable to find the will to move. His soul hurts him, every inch of his being is in agony - he's surely going to die soon. This pain is going to swallow him, and he will be relieved.

He's opened the drawer and pulled out a blade before he's even acknowledged his actions. He thought he could last without it, but he was so, so wrong. He stares down at his body, the naked flesh warping in front of his tearful hazel eyes. His legs have been pulled up to his chest until now, but he lowers one and presses the blade into the skin of his thigh a few times. It's a safe place, a place that will be hidden by his shorts. That very stretch of skin is already littered with scars - evidence of all the previous times that he failed to hold it together. _No one has to know_ , he tells himself, but oh God, that isn't true anymore, is it? And what has he done and Daichi will be so mad - no, worse than mad - Daichi will be disappointed and he's such a failure and shit, what has he done? He's fumbling for his phone, tears streaming down his face now. He didn't mean to, he'll take it all back. He can't see clearly, his fingers unable to type a message, so he calls Daichi instead.  
"Dai-"  
"Suga? Are you okay?"  
"I'm sorry."  
"I'll be there in five, okay? Breathe, Suga. I love you," Daichi's voice is calm, and Suga can't stand it. He hangs up and is left hoping that the doors are unlocked. He doesn't think he can get out there to open it - his head's too loud. He wants to throw his head back against the wall, hard, and scream but he can't.

He stays there, frozen in time, until arms wrap around him.  
"You're okay. I've got you," Daichi tells him, sitting beside him and taking one of his hands. Suga can't keep it in anymore. The screams he wanted to let out have found meaning now - there are thoughts he needs to voice.  
"Why does it hurt so bad? Why does it hurt to care? I want to care, but I hate it. I hate it, Daichi. It h-hurts so b-bad," the grey-haired boy finally breaks, and Daichi moves to sit beside his vice-captain, wrapping his arms around him and pressing his lips to Suga's temple.  
"I don't know, Koushi, but I'm right here - I'm going to keep you safe."  
"I-I," Suga begins, but then curls his body around Daichi's, resting his head on the other boy's chest, "I failed. I ruined it."  
"You haven't ruined anything, Koushi. Slip ups happen, right? And two months is amazing. I'm so proud of you. You're so, so strong, okay?"  
"I was going to c-call you before but I c-couldn't. I'm sorry."  
"It's okay, Suga. I love you. It's going to be okay."  
"I love you too, Daichi," Suga whispers, pulling away so that he is facing his boyfriend, his lover, his best friend, his soulmate. Daichi wipes away Suga's tears and presses a brief kiss to his lips.  
"I've got you. I'm here."  
"Thank you," Suga says.  
"You know it's not a problem. Let's rest now - get some sleep."

As Daichi stands up to removes his clothes, Suga stays on the bed and takes an antiseptic wipe to his thigh, relieved that the wounds are shallow. They've long since stopped bleeding, and they'll heal soon enough. His boyfriend, who is now wearing only his boxer briefs, places a kiss on his forehead, and the setter can't help but smile. They climb into bed together to curl up, safe with each other's warmth. They fall asleep, and they know that tomorrow will be the same as always - Suga will care, care, and then care some more. He'll keep caring until this happens again - he's so ridiculously selfless. But that's Suga, and if he was honest about it, it's one of the things Daichi loves about him the most.


End file.
